How the Stories You Tell Become the Inspiration for Your Life.
The World Inside Your Mind…
What stories do you tell? What stories (e.g. thoughts / self talk) continue to replay; causing you to be in the world inside your mind rather than the world that you live in the present moment?
Our socialization and how we relate to one another is largely based on the sharing of stories; stories that convey warm sentiments of times shared together; stories of our childhood and the memories that we recall with fondness; stories that depict poignant moments, life lessons, and reminders of our resilience, our growth — our accomplishments.
“Anthropologists tell us that storytelling is central to human existence; that it’s common to every known culture; that it involves a symbiotic exchange between teller and listener.” Source: WIRED
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The best practice in storytelling begins with what you tell yourself because what you tell yourself you believe. What you tell yourself is a story. It is a version of the truth based on your perceptions, your past experiences, your beliefs, personality traits as well as your current mood state.
The stories that you tell reflect how you think. In the stories that you tell — consider the impact of retelling the past on how you live the present. Consider if your story causes you to relive unpleasant emotions; if it is an accurate portrayal of the truth — and whether it reflects kindness (or blame) of another.
The stories that we tell ourselves and others do reflect inaccuracies. Our perspective can be biased, it can be unkind, unfair, or judgmental. If we internalize our experience (without seeking to understand it or to find accurate answers) it can be damaging — depending on what we decide as our conclusion. If we tell stories that are harmful — that is — if our thoughts about a particular situation or exchange between our self and another cause us to feel hurt, guilt, or anger, we diminish our sense of self. We may not be telling our self the whole truth — the accurate factual truth. If our ‘story’ about something makes us a victim, we feel dis-empowered, rejected, judged, and ‘not deserving’. This is why it is so important to be sure that what you are telling yourself and others — and what you believe — is based on facts and what is truth. Often the only way to know what is true is to ask questions, to find answers based on how others were thinking and feeling, and what their true intentions were. If you do not have access to this information, you will need to re-examine your story with a different perspective — and a means of the greater whole.
It’s important to remember that everything that has already happened is now a ‘story’. Important when you are communicating stories with others, is to be mindful of the message that you wish to convey. How do you want others to feel in your presence, to respond, to receive your messaging? Make your stories a means of sharing the goodness you see in others, in a situation, or of the world — rather than a rant of what you found wrong and unjust. Share your stories after you have thought for a time about what greater meaning and purpose they have inspired or taught you. Otherwise you will be repeating what happened to you including your commentary of what was not ideal, rather than seeking to first understand the significance of what your experience has revealed and taught you. Everything teaches and informs us of something valuable — if we are willing to see this.
“The stories we tell reflect the way in which we think; and how we make sense of what happens — in life. The challenge is to tell the stories that convey what is true; and to keep our mind and heart open to each experience and what it has the potential of teaching us.” – dorothy ratusny
What serves you best is to first examine a story that you continue to tell your self. Maybe its a story of a relationship breakup; or an injury or accident that you’ve since recovered — or not recovered from; or perhaps it is a story of a personal hardship or a longstanding disappointment. How do you feel each time you think about your story? Any story that is positive — that is uplifting will always be helpful to retell — to relive; because you are doing just that — you are reliving each experience that you think about and tell.
If the stories you dwell on and talk about with others are ones that cause you to suffer, you may wish to consider what is the upside, the life lesson, the opportunity for growth — that lies within your story? This is both the message that you want to both glean and share.
Let your story telling be to uplift others, to reveal kindness, — to inspire those who hear your words; because after all — what you are telling others is a reflection of you in this moment. Speaking respectfully and with kindness reflects your beautiful nature. Speaking with criticism, jealousy or contempt limits your view of the world and of others. It dis-empowers you and leaves others feeling uncomfortable, hurt, or offended.
The challenge is to find ways of telling your story with kindness and a message that others may be helped by — even when your story reveals a challenging or ‘less than happy’ message.
Share your stories, but let them be stories that uplift, inspire, and enlighten. Even stories of loss and tragedy can open us to appreciate life in new ways if we choose to focus on the teachings we have learned, and for what we are grateful of.
Here are the two most important questions to ask when considering the rethinking and retelling of a story that continues to cause you pangs of sadness, anger, anxiety or other form of suffering:
1. What is positive (aka helpful, necessary, good) about this experience?
2. How can I apply what I have learned (from this situation) in a constructive (and positive) way to my life?
It’s human nature to share stories of our life. Consider first the relevance your stories hold for your life? How do your experiences — and the stories that you tell — invoke opportunity for self growth? Can you find significant meaning in what happened? Can you allow your experiences to be teachable moments — especially when the experience may not have been positive?
All of us have been affected by our stories of trauma, injustice, of hurt, anger — of loss and sadness. If you are retelling these stories whether in your own mind, or as you share them with others — you are reliving what you experienced. The retelling of a story that caused you to suffer is not going to benefit you — especially if it continues to elicit unresolved raw (and painful) emotions because the body will continue to relive the experience that the mind is thinking about.
Instead, look for and find significance in what has happened. Let your experiences be opportunities to learn and transform. In this way, your story becomes one of courage, understanding, vigour, wisdom, and the overcoming of failure and fear rather than remaining a victim to your experience.
How to glean the important lessons of your life experiences:
Tell yourself the story of what your experience has taught you. You do this by simply asking: “What have I learned from this experience?” and “How can I thrive beyond this experience?” Know what you would do (or say) differently in a similar situation. Tell yourself what is true — find the good in yourself, in others, and of the situation. Tell yourself and others the ‘true story’ — share some of your newfound knowledge and life lessons. These are the ‘stories’ that help, that inspire, — that make a difference. These are the ‘stories’ that spread messages of inspiration — of learned wisdom — of gratitude and thanks.
Ask yourself the questions that will help you discern what is meaningful about your story. This is how you realize that there is much that you can learn if you choose to see everything in life as an experience; rather than labelling what happens as “good” or “bad”. Hold witness to what your experiences (and interactions with others) teach you; what you are being shown or encouraged to learn; and how this good has inspired your life. Let this be the way that you tell ‘stories’ — in your mind and to others.
In your new revelations and learned wisdom — you will realize that the most challenging stories of your life are precisely what has taught you some of the most valuable lessons that you could ever learn.
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR STORY TELLING…
Consider what stories you continue to focus on — to tell — to seek attention and sympathy from. Remind yourself of your blessings and for what you are grateful. Let yourself no longer be held prisoner by the stories that you tell. Tell the story of what your experience has taught you; how you have been helped or guided in your quest for understanding, of seeking to learn from what has happened, and how your experience has shaped you into an even more incredible version of yourself. This is the story that helps inspire and uplift others along their journey.
There may be a time when you will decide to stop telling a specific story — the feelings you have as you hear yourself speak are still very painful. Some stories are better released, relinquished — for a time, or forever — because we cannot find a different way to tell our story that is helpful to us, or soothing. This is perfectly acceptable. If a story continues to draw sadness, upset, or anger, perhaps it is a reminder of the need to let it be for a time, to release it — or to focus on the strength and empowerment that you are working to gather; and to consider an alternative perspective based on the other person or the situation — that may bring relief to how you have been thinking about what has happened.
Writing your thoughts in a journal from the perspective of how this has been a growth experience for you — and what it has opened you to realize and know (to see, to look at either of yourself or another) — can help. Focus on remembering how you have been able to thrive and not falter in the presence of this experience. This is how you build resilience, strength, discipline, and gratitude.
The principles of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) teach us how to observe and then challenge our thoughts; to ask the question, “Is this completely true?” to what we are thinking and telling others — and to find alternative perspectives as we seek the truth rather than what we may tell our self is true.
Challenge your thoughts whenever you feel an unpleasant emotion. Look for ways of disproving your thoughts and stories when they point blame at others; when they are self critical and effacing. Challenge yourself to see the whole truth; to ask yourself, “What are the facts?” and “What is true?” — to limit building a version of the truth which will only serve to rile you and cause you to feel unhappy, anxious, or a sense of unjust.
The basic tenets of cognitive behavioural therapy teach us that our thoughts determine how we feel, and what we feel predicts and affects our actions and reactions. Everything you do is based on how you feel; and how you feel is the result of what you tell yourself (and others). It is the stories that you hold in your mind and in what you speak that is the precursor for everything. What stories do you tell?
Namaste!
