How to Build A Positive Sense of Self: 8 ‘Wildly Important’ Best Practices.
Your positive sense of self is the means by which you live awakened to know and appreciate all of the aspects that define you, and in the context of how you witness yourself in the world; self-honest, willing to live honorably — to do the right thing — because this is how you experience yourself as a being of love.
This article is an adaptation from an episode of the Wisdom Podcast.
Listen to the accompanying episode here:
“You can check in with all of those who love you ~ whose love is unconditional and unwavering, yet the true feeling of certainty is born out of the love that you liberate yourself unto.” — dorothy ratusny
In psychology, sense of self refers to your conceptualization of the collection of characteristics that define you.
Personality traits, abilities and skills, your likes and dislikes, your belief system, your morals and values, what motivates you — how you view yourself in relationships and your perception of how others relate to and receive you; these all contribute to self-esteem and your unique identity as a person.
How you develop your sense of self begins in early childhood. Yet, with the known research in neural plasticity, we have the ability to change our sense of self ~ to develop a more positive and a healthier sense of who we are.
If you grew up in an environment that was absent of love and tenderness and the encouraging words that supported your development and experience of yourself, you may be even more interested in these important best practices because to know yourself is to know the direction of your life and to always have the ability to make the right choices for yourself.
Let me begin with the spiritual wisdom of what it means to have a positive sense of self, and then I’ll follow this with the practical ways to attain this.
You are the certainty of your heart open and expansive.
You are the depth of your mind in open contemplation.
You are the wisdom and perfection of pure light.
You are exactly as you see yourself to be and so the work and the power of having a positive sense of self translates itself into the space and time of being witness to yourself.
Include in this the perfection of your heart; the perfection of love that you have the capacity to be and share — and to live awake — to reveal your true nature as pure brilliance, pure possibility — pure love.
In the careful knowing of what your life holds and in the willingness of your certain power to live awake and aware, you witness all of the certain privileges of life as what you are.
Beauty, gratitude, openness to life that is always in support of you; these become the place in which you call ‘home’.
‘Home’ is the inner dwelling space of peace, of wisdom ~of what allows the privilege of knowing that you are never alone when you are with yourself.
Here are the eight best practices to build and nourish a positive state of self.
Notice — witness — how each of these practices lead you into the very best places of your life ~ so beautifully.
1.Knowledge is power. We begin with the creation of ‘a Who Am I? list’. I usually invite this practice into client sessions early on — It is the best practice of coming to know who you are at this moment. Not your former self five years ago or even six months ago, but who you are today — who you are in this moment.
This is paramount for discovering all of your greatness now; not needing to wait for something to happen or change, rather building appreciation for who you exist as right now.
This means that your self-worth wherever you deem it to be in and of this moment is based entirely on the willingness you hold now to be kind, gentle, patient; demonstrative of what you need and from this to learn how to promptly give this to yourself.
By giving, I don’t necessarily mean giving of material goods, rather the riches of kind words that you think and say each time you pass your reflection in a mirror; that you stop to think about yourself in some greater way beyond what you have before — with kind and loving thoughts, with encouragement, and with a heartfelt “I love you” spoken with meaning.
To be loving-kindness unto yourself is one of the basic and fundamental privileges you hold.
If you are not able to be kind unto yourself, how can the kind words and compliments of others really sink in?
Remember the younger version of yourself: innocent, pure, and perfect — as you are.
There is nothing that you could not accomplish including the perfect ease to which you held all of the bigger hopes and wishes for your life ~and the willingness to act each day with hope and wonder.
Even in the client stories in which I hear of horrible neglect and abuse, a child still knows their goodness and worth. Children seek to survive and thrive in all possible ways and they always welcome unconditional kindness and love.
You can develop your sense of self at any age. You begin right where you are and in who you are because the discoveries that you will make are going to be noteworthy. You learn how to rely on yourself for what you need. This is autonomy and the ability to be self-sufficient even as we all thrive in healthy and vibrant relationships with others.
Sense of self is achieved by developing the means by which you can be comfortable and content in your own company and to enjoy the companionship of your self. Learn more about who you are now by asking the most direct question and answering this with your heart, “Who am I?”
Herein is the first best practice. Describe yourself to yourself. You can use these prompts to help you go deeper still:
What are my likes and dislikes?
What are my strengths and what do I need to improve~ to become better at?
What are my highest level values?
What are the beliefs I hold?
What are the ways that I take care of myself? How do I show myself love and kindness?
What are the habits that allow me to excel and what habits do I need to change?
Include in your ‘Who am I?’ list what thoughts and beliefs hold you back and if possible, identify from where did you learn these?
Are you ready to release them?
Let this list build for a time. You want to add to the description you hold so that you may reveal everything. There is no shame in identifying traits and characteristics that you think are incredible just as it is important to shed light upon what aspects of you reveal your ‘dark side’ and the nature that we all have to self-sabotage at times and to be unkind.
It’s about labeling the behaviors and habits that serve you, that you love, as well as those that need your attention, so that you can realize all of the potential you hold for everything that you will accomplish and live.
With your ‘Who am I?’ list in hand, you will want to highlight the areas within yourself and your life where there is room for change, for growth, for becoming all that you are capable of and so much more.
2. The second best practice to know yourself well and to deepen a personal and positive sense of self that lifts you entirely out of what you have known and into light: Be with yourself.
This is the practice of carving out ‘alone time’ and without the distractions that keep you absent from your own company, namely being on your phone, surfing the internet, and watching TV and movies.
I consider solitary activities: reading for self-knowledge and personal growth, walking, yoga or any individual exercise; journal writing, singing, dance as personal movement, and also the activities that cultivate inner stillness such as prayer, meditation, and also calming breath work.
The ability to take in the present moment fully as a witness to your experience and to be completely comfortable as you do so, is how you deepen the connection you feel with yourself and the relationship that you hold ~ apart from the need to socialize or be entertained in the use of technology.
There is a psychological construct for achieving this. It is called individuation; the process by which you develop independently from your caregivers as your unique self — as you are encouraged to explore, learn, express needs and desires and display your personality with support and approval. All of this happens beginning in your early years of development.
If it’s a struggle to feel comfortable being alone, begin this practice for short periods of time. Take 10 minutes and close your eyes. Focus on breathing in pure awareness and in the present moment. Notice what you are aware of.
It is seeking the experiences of being with yourself that teaches you about the expression of who you are. This is how you build self-confidence and reinforce your ability for autonomy, self-directed freedom and the present nature of your heart open in self-love.
Something that you can do right now is to find stillness. Pay close attention to what you notice in the moments in which you do this.
It is always about holding presence in now and choosing to see and feel the relevance of clock time as each passing moment is held first as the witnessing of ‘what is.’
The practice of being present to witness yourself — and your inner state of being — as you close your eyes and focus within and as you experience yourself in your body — in your mind and of your soul — is how you witness yourself in the safety and comfort of self-awareness and self-love.
The practice of being with you is liberating. It welcomes you to a world of greater treasures and joy that are always right here and waiting for you.
A positive sense of self is developed as you seek out both positive experiences and experiences that you are challenged by. If at times you fail, you will try again. You don’t allow failure to become what limits you from all of your potential.
It is in the moments when you are challenged that you must rise up ~ that you cannot let yourself down (or give up). This is when you have the potential to become invincible and unstoppable in the world through your own efforts to become more — to help relieve what suffering you have experienced — and to bear witness to your sacred path into light.
You recognize that it is the challenges that help shape how you experience yourself ~who you are, and who you are still becoming in this moment and each moment that follows.
Yours is a privileged life. Everything that you experience that is a challenge is also precisely that which enables you to rise up, to be better, to be different, to have more confidence, to heal from a past experience; to realize that you are capable of even more — and to understand that life is not for the experience of hardship. We create hardship for ourselves when we live outside of our heart and in the world of ego and fear.
How you interpret what happens does not end with the circumstances of the past. What you choose to do with what happens is how you will then be remarkable.
The existence of a healthy and strong sense of self is the ability to weather a situation that poses challenges and difficulties because these are the situations that rouse you to become more.
3. The third best practice for developing a positive sense of self is the decision to always find the best solution that originates out of loving kindness — that does not align with those who are hurtful and indignant, rather to have a voice that is of dignity and strength; that always guides you along a right path and that is your certainty — your grace, your power.
Rise up to the challenges that you face with love and kindness, respect for all living beings and the ability to do so with reverence.
Positive sense of self is developed when you can meet and excel in the challenges of life by speaking with honesty — by knowing when to let go, by recognizing that others will not always agree with you, nor will they always be able to walk an honorable path. It matters that you do. This is what allows you to hold your head high in the dignity of who you are, and to be proud.
4. Self-Awareness and Positive Action. When you take ownership for your words and actions, as you observe yourself in the presence of others and as you make time for self-reflection; for being present and aware of yourself in the context of who you are, this is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is a positive life skill needed for developing a positive perspective and for examining all of who you are with honesty and sincerity.
Self-awareness is the ability to make micro adjustments to your actions in present time and immediately following any situation where you assess that you could have been more kind, more helpful ~ and aware of how your words could affect another with sincerity and compassion.
We all love to make a positive impact in our conversations and in our place in the world and in who we ascribe to be.
The way in which you are able to make a change is by being present — by taking in your surroundings, the reactions of others and also thinking in advance of how you wish to conduct yourself in the world~ what words and values you believe and ascribe to and how you can correct any of this in gentle form as you notice and observe yourself in all moments.
Growth and positive change can only happen in an environment of self-awareness.
This means being truthful with yourself in the moments in which you are being unkind, unhelpful, and when you are less than what you need to be.
In being self-aware, you flourish because you hold the space and time for what you truly need to be ~ for what is the most deliberate path into your highest level good. Your highest level good is the best version that you can be.
As you begin this, and as you witness yourself one present moment and the next — as you pay attention to and formulate the kindness and love that you are capable of, you realize what is possible.
You no longer live unaware and sleepwalking through life, or aware that you are avoiding or simply not doing what you need to do. Your ability for everything becomes the lessons of your heart lived moment by moment.
5. Accountability and Self-Responsibility. A positive and confident sense of self arises out of the action you take to be accountable and responsible for your life and for all that you are co-creating with the universe.
It’s not okay to blame others or a situation, to be a victim, and to believe that you have no control in the situations of life that you find yourself in.
To be accountable is to hold a willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions. To take accountability is to be self-responsible; and most of all it is to honor and uphold your word to yourself and to others.
As you practice this, you build self-confidence and the knowledge that you are capable. You see the results of your efforts. You rely on your words and actions to accomplish what is important for you and you set the stage for good things to happen because you seek these out — you are responsible and proactive for the good that continues to flow into your life.
A positive sense of self is the knowledge you hold that depicts all of who you are as witnessed by you and as a formidable means of knowing yourself well including what parts of you are currently in progress that you observe that need your attention for growth, for change, for evolution — and towards what you wish for and choose instead.
Sense of self is how you experience yourself in the world, with all others and of the certain wonder that you are capable of being the most incredible version of you, in constant evolution and metamorphosis -as you choose this and as you take the steps towards the pure desire that you wish for.
6. Your knowledge of yourself and the self-honesty you hold are what help you decide who you are becoming. This is the second list that you will build for yourself that becomes a measurement tool and also a greater goal for what new practices, habits, beliefs and behaviors you will live.
A positive and confident sense of self is interdependent with the ever-growing, ever-evolving being that you are. As you encourage yourself to seek positive change, and as you stretch beyond your comfort zone, you grow and evolve in a direction that embraces your wholeness and for living your highest ideals.
The positive changes that you seek come out of your awareness of who you are in this moment and who you still desire to be. You can call this your ideal self.
You achieve your ideals by first recognizing what is lacking; what you want to improve or feel better about whether this is a personality trait, a behavior, or an aspect of your physical self. For example, you may want to learn more on a subject, finish your university degree, learn a new language, be more fit and healthy, have greater patience, be more understanding and inclusive of others’ differences — really anything that you identify that you want to improve upon becomes material for your ‘Who am I becoming?’ list.
Your ‘Who am I becoming?’ list is the identity of what you still are working towards. This, together with the aspects of you that you appreciate and value as who you currently are, become your ideal self. The quest for living your ideal happens as you identify what this is for you and as you choose to live this now.
Being clear about your ideal self is the first step. Then you need to outline the path that will bring you from where you are to your ideal. You do this by identifying what is needed and the steps to bring you there.
With good existing knowledge of who you are, and the clarity of identifying your ideal self, your ‘Who am I becoming?’ list are the personality traits, the behaviors, and new habits that you will need.
Consider what you can do to align your life with your ideal self and the vision that you hold for how you will live in the world.
You might, for example, ask yourself what changes can you make in your professional life or in interactions with others that represent who you truly wish to be.
7. Therapy. Therapy and life coaching is a helpful process to learn more about yourself and to discover the right tools and strategies that you need to help you be all that you can be. Find someone that you trust, that you feel a good connection with and remember that it’s about you doing the work. Therapy and coaching is not a place for someone to fix you or change you.
You learn about yourself as who you are is mirrored back to you from someone who is working to help you make the changes you seek. You however are the one that is responsible for the outcome. You must do the work.
Clients that progress the fastest in therapy and reap the most rewards are those who make a firm commitment to grow and change, and who are prepared to practice and live the new behaviors and habits that will help them to be a success.
8. Live Your Truth. To live your truth means to live in a way that honors what is right and best for you. Living your truth is following a path that you decide, knowing yourself well and being accountable to what is important for your well being. An easy way to recognize when you are living your truth is by asking, ‘Am I happy?’
Authentic happiness follows self-honesty. When you make decisions guided by what allows you to feel happy, this is also how you live your truth.
Truth is your inner knowing. It is the wisdom that guides your life. You tap into your inner wisdom in the moments in which you ask, ‘What is best for me in this moment?’ and ‘What is the best decision aligned with my highest goals and ideals?’
Sometimes the answers are clear and right in front of you, while other times you may need to quiet your mind — to pay closer attention to your inner voice rather than the constant voice of your mind which can also be the voice of your ego and that which causes you to feel fear rather than comfort, love, and certainty for what you know will make you happiest.
As your knowledge of yourself grows, and as you are open-minded to learn and discover more; to live self-aware and awake, it becomes easier to make the right decisions for everything.
Practice with daily decisions based upon how you feel and what is most desired. Then it will be easier to live your truth for the decisions that set you apart from others and that allow you to follow your heart towards larger goals and dreams.
Which of these eight wildly important best practices do you need to live right now?
As always I’m right here to help. Please reach out to me if you would like my help with any of these.
Remember that if you are not happy, if you are not feeling satisfied in your life, change is needed. The change begins with you.
